Big News

Almost a year ago I made the hardest decision I hope I ever have to make. I chose to place my baby for adoption. That pivotal decision has lead to some of the greatest blessings and learning experiences in my life.

When I found out I was pregnant, at first, I was so excited. My then boyfriend, Ronnie and I had been looking forward to eventually becoming parents. The idea of raising a child with him seemed like an adventure. Although the timing wasn't what we had hoped for, we both just focused on the excitement and hoped everything else would work itself out. I didn't become aware of my pregnancy until I was already five and half months along. I was stunned to say the least. The pregnancy explained so many mysterious aches and pains over the previous months. Finding out that late in the game made me feel rushed to start getting things together, to prepare for the upcoming arrival. My excitement at the prospect of becoming a mother absorbed all of my limited attention span and distracted me from realistically analyzing my situation.

A barrage of doctor appointments and endless pant sizes later, I was starting to feel pregnant. I felt fat, bloated, tired, and hungry. And usually all at the same time! Poor Ronnie couldn't do anything right at times. I felt starved for attention but I wanted to be left alone at the same time. I became increasingly clingy and cried easily over the smallest things. Hormones and I were not getting along well. I hated not being in control of my emotions, my body, or my schedule. I quickly learned that forgetfulness is a side effect of pregnancy. I shed a few tears over forgotten grocery items, missed appointments, and misplaced objects. I burned, bumped, and even scraped my expanding tummy on many occasions. As the months wore on, I slept less frequently. Some nights not even getting a single wink of sleep. I would sit up late at night finding comfort in visions of tiny fingers and toes, toothless giggles and grins, and all the tired days yet to come.